Life sure as hell isn't always easy, but heck it would be a lot easier if we knew then what we know now. For as much as life is a journey and comes with its lessons, it also comes with unnecessary heartache.
I will be turning 44 this year, and most of my girlfriends are also in their 40s. And as I watch us grow older, I also notice how each of us is coming into our own. Gone are the insecurities (well, most of them anyway!), gone are the trepidations about life, gone are the apprehensions about who we are. Instead, we are steadily embracing ourselves, and proudly so.
In my 30s, I often heard “life for women starts at 40”, but I couldn’t quite understand it. After all, for years and years women had been told that they were past their ‘prime’ after 40, too late to have a career, too late for kids, too late for anything and everything. But sitting here right now, in 2023, I realise what utter BS that was!
It is no accident that things start coming together for us roundabout 40. You’ve done all that living, most probably been though the wringer once or twice, experienced love, loss and grief, and so much more. And you’ve survived, and lived to tell a tale or two. Through the good times and the bad, comes the biggest gift of all: getting to know yourself all over again and becoming comfortable in your own skin.
Boy, wouldn’t life have been easier if we knew then all we know now? I guess that’s the point of life. Learning, and learning some more. It can be a painful journey at times, but it is a beautiful one; every experience, every loss, every joy adding up to this magical kaleidoscope that you can call your own.
So while I would never want to take away from the experience of life and growing and learning, there are a few things - well, 20 to be exact - that I would tell my younger self. Just to avoid some of the unnecessary pain and angst through my teenage years, 20s and even 30s!
20 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self
1. Be yourself, exactly as you are. You are never too loud/too quiet, too serious/too funny, to introverted/ too extroverted etc. Honour yourself and be unapologetically you. Dr Seuss said it best:
2. Keep your inner child close to you. Check in with her from time to time to make sure you are doing right by her. Let her be you inner compass - she will never lie or waver.
Read more about Embracing Your Authentic Self
3. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. Most of them are too busy worrying about themselves anyway.
4. You have every right to say 'No' - to invitations, proposals, relationships, friendships, family. Set healthy boundaries early on and stick to them. The world won't fall apart, and the earth will keep on spinning. Really.
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5. Be like bamboo. Strong and resilient, but flexible in the wind. Set healthy boundaries, but also know that life and relationships require compromises.
6. Find a way to follow a version of your dreams. This is one of the hardest undertakings in life, but it is also one of the most worthwhile.
Read 6 Things Stopping You From Pursuing Your Dreams to gain a better understanding, and learn how to overcome your barriers.
7. Measure friendships in quality, not quantity. It's not about how many friends you have, but about the depth of the friendship you have with them. It is those friendships that will see you through thick and thin.
8. Never underestimate the power of good female friendships - seek them out, cherish and nourish them. They will swoop in and take care of you when you need them the most, and the laughs and joy you will share with them will be nourish your soul. This is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself.
9. Trust your gut more that anything and anyone else in the world. It's there to guide you.
10. Learn to ignore social standards for beauty or anything else. Those rely on trends, which come and go. Cherish your uniqueness.
11. Watch you inner dialogue from early on - it can make you or break you.
12. Learn how to manage you finances. You will have one less thing to worry about, and you'll thank yourself later.
13. The only comparison you should be making is to yourself yesterday. This comparison is an investment in yourself and your personal growth. Any comparisons to anyone else are a waste of time.
14. You are beautiful and awesome just as you are. Anyone who tells you, or makes you feel otherwise - show them the door.
15. Your diet affects everything: your physical & mental health, your energy and your mood.
16. Don’t be fixated on planning out your whole life. Life is full of surprises, so thinking yours will go exactly as planned is setting you up for disappointment. Plus, you would be closing yourself off to so many experiences along the way.
17. Don’t try to change people. It doesn’t work and it also isn't within your remit. Either put up, or pack up.
18. Know that you are strong. Much stronger that you give yourself credit for. Life will test you. Over and over. When life hits you hard, and you’re on your knees, know that you will get your gloves on and fight. And you will get through it, dust yourself off and get right back at it. Every damn time.
19. You’ve got this, kid. You know what you need to do, and if you don't, you'll learn. So, stop sweating.
20. Everything will turn out okay. Things may not turn out as you expected, but all will be okay. Find the magic and keep walking.
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