Lo and behold, it is 2023! Who would believe another year has gone by? 2022 was quite a year - with joys, but also challenges. There were times it had me on my knees, clawing for my way back up; moments of complete darkness, stuck in a pit, wondering if I'll see the light again. Boy, did I have to fight to get through those times. What I've realised though, is that in those darkest moments the only person that can really get you through - and out - is yourself. Of course, any support network like family and friends, will act as a life buoy or anchor to keep you afloat; but unless you figure things out with yourself, and for yourself, any attempt they make will be futile.
So here we are, new year and social media is in overdrive with resolutions left, right and centre. As always, the one that seems to dominate is "new year, new me". It's everywhere. And it's got me thinking: In our quest for happiness and fulfilment, is it a new version of ourselves that will get us there? Or is it a return to our most authentic self that will help us achieve anything?
Ok, let's just talk a minute about this. If you think about it, "new year, new me" on some level implies that something is wrong with the "old" us, and therefore, we would need to create a new version of ourselves, which most likely - and to some degree - would have to be influenced by new trends, and what those dictate at this point in time. From the way we look, to what we eat, how we exercise, think, talk, cry, laugh, dream, walk, interact... you get my drift.
If the past year has taught me anything, hell - if the past few decades have taught me something, is that each new version of me is like another layer that I put on each year. In reality, all this does is place more distance between me and my true self. So many of us walk around with all these layers and wonder why nothing makes sense. The world is so loud, our parents' voices are so loud, generational trauma is so loud - it is all so deafening that we forget the sound of our own voice.
Why is everyone else's voice more important than our very own voice? Isn't our own voice, our own authentic self, what we were meant to be in the first place? We are all unique, we all have something that makes us stand out, we all have a purpose and we all come to this world with a set of gifts. The biggest gift is who we really are in our original version, underneath all those layers that come from years of conditioning. That's what we came to offer in this life, that's what no-one else can offer.
So why is it so damn hard to be the version of ourselves that should be the easiest? And why are we allowing ourselves to listen to what everyone else thinks we should be? Instead of asking "who will I become this year", why don't we ask "who was I to begin with"? Who was I as a little kid? What got me going? What made me happy? What triggers me? What wisdom did I bring with me? Who was I before all the conditioning? Before social media, before all the endless comparisons, before what our parents thought we should be, and so on.
Dr Gabor Mate, the renowned expert in childhood development, offers so much insight into why we are the way we are, and if like me, you are finding yourself asking all these questions, his work is truly eye-opening. He has said,
"Much of what we call personality, is not a fixed set of traits, only coping mechanisms a person acquired in childhood".
In other words, who were we before we acquired coping mechanisms?
Figuring all this out is a tall order, and can seem daunting. Healing is a journey that takes time and commitment, and sometimes it is best achieved in a safe space like therapy. Whichever way we do it, with each answer we find, we can get rid of a layer. The more answers, the more layers, until eventually we find our true self waiting for us with open arms. It is here that we feel congruent and aligned and can start honouring our authentic self and fulfil our true purpose.
So, in closing, I propose a new resolution: New Year, REAL Me.
Here's to 2023. And here's to the REAL you.
And while we're at it, as we continue on this journey of healing, remember to high-5 yourself in the mirror each morning just as the awesome Mel Robbins suggests. I swear it works.
Happy New Year!
And, as ever, I would love to hear from you, so talk to me.
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