
Feeling horrible and riddled with mom guilt after screaming at your child? Do these 5 things to repair the situation and teach them essential life lessons in the process. We all have moments in our parenting journey where wisdom and patience fail us and we yell at our kids. As bad as we may feel in those times, it is important to remember that that it is OK as long as we take action to repair & reset with the steps discussed below.
The other evening, after a particularly long day that had followed a relatively restless night’s sleep - i.e. the perfect recipe for mom-disaster to occur, my kids were arguing about something trivial (isn’t most times?) while I was cooking dinner. It was late already and my brilliant idea for supper was taking longer to prepare than planned. All I wanted was a few minutes of peace to get this meal ready and enjoy a relatively quiet night with them. I tried to ignore the bickering echoing from the other room, and I did pretty well until they came to me - shouting, pointing fingers… you get it. In a fraction of a second I lost it and snapped - I yelled at the top of my voice for them to stop. Which they did instantly of course. Their faces wide-eyed, looking from me to each other and back to me again, said it all: I had scared them into silence. Yikes. Instead of feeling victorious, I was instantly riddled with guilt.
Know what I’m talking about? OK, let’s get a few things straight first:
Fact #1: We ALL blow our fuse at one point on another. By no means are you the only parent this has happened to.
Fact #2: Yelling at your kids doesn’t make you a bad parent, it’s just a reminder that you are human having a moment.
Fact #3: The fact that you are here reading this shows that you are a good parent wanting to become a better parent.
Fact #4: When we find ourselves in a situation like this, what matters the most is what comes after the yelling.
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Parenting is filled with moments like these; we’re all going to lose our cool every now and then, and we need to remember that it’s OK if we handle the aftermath the right way. What really matters the most it was comes after: the repair. Below are the things to try if you want to repair your relationship with your child after yelling.
Take some space
Leave the room to take a few deep breaths, cool off and re-centre. A few moments apart will do wonders for everyone.
Apologise
This is vital. There is a common misconception that has carried over from older generations that apologising to a child shows weakness and can undermine the parent’s authority. It’s actually the opposite.
By asking for forgiveness, we are teaching our children that everyone makes mistakes and we are modelling the behaviour that’s appropriate when we do make mistakes. This is a life skill, no matter who you are.
Affection & connection
Show your child affection and connect with them. Once everyone is calm and ready for it, give your child a warm hug and do something together - play a game, chase them around the house, read a book together.
Brain studies show how affection and connection kick-start the process of repair and fire up the brain chemistry that is linked with good behaviour.

Take time to explain
Accountability is a crucial step. Talk about your feelings and explain what made you yell using “I” instead of “you”.
For example: “I was frustrated and didn’t do a great job at expressing myself” instead of “you guys are always fighting an never listen to me”.
Discuss how to do better
Talk with you kids about how you can do better in the future. Exchange ideas and come up with the plan that works for everyone.
There had been so many times that my son was so tired after dinner that getting him to shower and get ready for bed was a struggle. So during a calm moment, we sat down to discuss it and came up with a plan. On school nights he now gets ready for bed right before dinner, and it has made a world of difference.
By following the steps above and repairing the relationship after we have yelled at our kids, we are teaching them essential life-long lessons:
Everyone makes mistakes, no exceptions. What makes the difference is how you handle yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
Forgiving yourself and giving yourself grace when you’ve made a mistake is vital.
You provide them with healthy conflict resolution techniques from early on.
Next time you find yourself losing your cool, take a deep breath and remember: You’ve got this. Godspeed.

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